drawings & notes from the 'Formalhaut" sketchbook 05/06

Here are some notes that are in this sketchbook. I know that they are contradictory. Normally, I think a person has one ideology. During the period of this sketchbook- mine completely split in two. On one hand I was still a believer in existentialism and Nietzsche. While my other side was developing it's own interpretation of spirituality and god. Ever since that happened I've been in a certain state of internal civil war.

1. The sun scares me. It's a constant reminder of time in motion. For days now I've been having a paranoia that the sun's going to go out. And we won't be able to do anything about it. We'll simply cease to exist. The sun is both the cause of our existence and our anxiety. To me it's the absolute "look".

2. Why People Invented God. Our mind is based on logic. This is a process of rational calculation. In our existence, our mind always has a hard time calculating it's own death. "It is here now, so how can it cease to exist?" So, in the mind's equation, to balance out death, it created "god" since that clearly overcomes death. Existence - Death = God

3. Rationality (common sense) is neither a tool of a religious fanatic or an ultra liberal.

4. 'It's only art if it sells.' I remember you saying that. That's bullshit. Because the world changes and so does the definition of art. In today's society, true art is what does not sell, and you cannot buy it.

5. On Death. Some of us (especially intellectuals) talk about death. How "nothing really matters". How at the end it's "all just in vain". Yet so few of us have actually witnessed it, this thing, this event that we dread so much...Death.

6. God writes in flesh. God did not write the Bible or any holy book. The bible has been written by man. In order to bring themselves oh-so-much-closer to God. The only thing that God actually wrote is us, or to be more precise, our genetic code. Which is indeed, a divine piece of writing-in flesh.